If anyone ever told you that your drug dealers care about you, they are either delusional or lying out their ass. Drug dealers only care about one thing ($$$), and they will do anything and everything to get it.
My dealer K likes to pretend that she cares. More than once she's sat me down and had the "I'm worried about your drug use" talk. Coincidentally (or not) these were the times when she really didn't have any dope to sell. When she's desperate for cash or when she's trying to raise funds for a trip, she doesn't say a word about how much I buy.
I'd like to say that as a drug dealer myself, I am different. But sadly, I'm not. (Bravo to those of you that said, "Wait a minute, taking drugs and selling drugs do not mix." You are correct, but that's a whole 'nuther post in itself.) The reason why I am not different than all of the other dope men and women out there is not because I don't care; it's because I'm smart enough to know that you can't beat the game and you can't single-handedly change a junkie's mind.
I am an addict, so I know damn well that if Suzy calls me up looking for some dope and I tell her no, she's just going to continue down her list until she finds someone that says yes. The person that says yes could be a reputable dealer, or they could be setting Suzy up. The drug world is not a nice one; she could get beat for her money, robbed at gunpoint, or something worse, none of which would happen if she gets her shit from me. So in a way, I am helping Suzy out by doing a legitimate deal with her. It's sort of like when you're 16 and your mom invites you to get drunk and watch Saturday Night Live with her because she would rather you experiment under her roof instead of out on the street.
Some of you are probably calling bullshit right about now, saying that I am just a cruel, heartless dealer who is making excuses for herself and trying to justify her actions. That, my friend, is where you're wrong. I know that what I do is illegal and according to most people, immoral. I am not trying to justify it in the least. I do not think that I should get a humanitarian award for doing hassle-free drug deals. To be completely honest, I think I should go to jail for doing them (if I ever get caught by the authorities). Fair is fair.
I am simply smart enough and experienced enough to know that if I deny Suzy access to drugs, chances are she's going to look for them elsewhere. Very few drug seekers will simply stop and say, "Hey, she doesn't have any dope today. This is a sign from the Universe! Perhaps I should quit!" As if. In reality they will curse under their breath and dial up the next dealer before I even have a chance to say goodbye. And even if I am their last resort for that moment, day, week, whatever...my telling them no is certainly not going to inspire them to become clean. They'll just tough it out until someone gets what they need. Trust me; been there, done that.
I suppose I could vow to never sell drugs again and cling to the belief that little ol' me really can make a difference in a drug addict's life. On the flip side, I could amp up my business and play guardian angel, "saving" everyone from shoddy drug deals. Neither extreme makes much sense to me, so I think I'll stick to what I'm doing right now: simply going with the flow.
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